Do you care about what others think?
Can people mess with you?
Read and tell me your experience if any of this sounds familiar.
You get a dodgy performance at work and can’t stop feeling inadequate, because you want to please the people you work with.
You see your peers, your siblings or colleagues all progressing at a faster pace than you seem to be and you’re afraid of being left in the dust.
All this can eat away your confidence over time. And the reason they have such a big effect is that you are seeking external approval or you don’t feel whole. You place yourself worth in the hands of others and only feel good enough when you’re accepted, complemented, promoted, admired or shall I say praised in other words. You Are Messed up!
We all have that natural craving for validation which you can break free… Yes! you can become your true self.
Here is how to Begin:
Step(1) Fuel your goals: If your goal is to get particular people to love you, you are giving your power away. Your success or failure would be tied to them. But if your goal is to build as much energy, love and enthusiasm as you can to the lives of those around you, you are what I call A Real big G (A real person).
You need to realize yourself you need to know that any love or acceptance you get from anybody is just a simple bonus.
(2) Be in control of your situations: While growing up I was quite a shy person, I never really wanted to stand in front of the assembly ground to speak. I know what to say but the fear of being rejected, the fear of people not accepting my words was in me and I lost a lot of friends being the best in music back then in school.   Why?
Well because I couldn’t accept that I could do better I wanted people to tell me before I put up my vibe but you know, it doesn’t work that way.
One day, I faced a mirror speaking to myself…..”I need to face my fears because I realized that one must face fears and to ignore that which we are afraid of only gives the fear more power while facing our fears we diminish it” This experience of mine is perhaps a metaphor for the other things in life.
What do you do when you feel you have no control over situations?
Maybe you’ve had your own experience of facing the audience just like me back then or perhaps you are in a spot right now and can’t be in control of the situations happening right in front of you. Here is how you can gain control when you feel you powerless
(3) Shift the locus of control: Sometimes, it’s as simple as recognizing that there are things you can change and control. What can you actually change? Let’s be realistic!
We all know one person cannot single-handedly change the economy, but perhaps there are things you can do to ensure you stay financially sound. Such as being a smart consumer, saving and investing wisely.
Take action rather than feel victimized when you face a situation and you feel that you have no control, take some time to think about it, then change your thinking.
Let’s take a look at these examples below:
- Will they see me as a good facilitator? if I may say; you are in control. Be sure to pass the right information, and make sure to be organized and also look presentable.
- Will I get a promotion? you are in control of it. How well you perform your job determines that. Make sure you are doing your best, don’t do it because you crave to be appraised but because it’s the right thing to do.
You know you’ve got to be the best not because you want to satisfy your unvalidated self, but because you had set a goal you need to achieve. You can control your daily schedule and maintain the structure. for instance, you can still get up at the same time every day, take a stroll, do your chores, get dressed and stick to a routine.
More so, you can network with colleagues in your area of interest, you can learn new skills that would help you someday.
It is important to note; You are in control of that situation, BE YOUR SELF, HIT GOALS, DO THE RIGHT THING!!
Please drop your suggestions on becoming self Confident.
(Digital skills trainer, Business strategist & an open writer).